What to Expect When Starting Couples Therapy

Starting couples therapy can feel intimidating, especially if you aren't sure what to expect from the process. You may wonder what will happen during your first appointment, how your therapist will assess your relationship, or how many sessions you may need.

I want to provide some information about what you can expect when beginning couples therapy with me.

I use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy as an important part of my work with couples. The Gottman Method provides a structured approach to understanding relationship dynamics, identifying areas of strength and difficulty, and developing practical skills to create a healthier and more connected relationship.

The Initial Couples Assessment

The first step in couples therapy is an intake and assessment session. I highly recommend scheduling an 80-minute appointment rather than a standard 50-minute session for the initial assessment.

A thorough couples assessment takes time. Rather than immediately focusing on the most recent argument or problem, I want to understand your relationship as a whole.

During the assessment, I will ask you both questions about:

• Your relationship history

• What brought you to therapy

• Current areas of conflict or disconnection

• Communication patterns

• Friendship and emotional connection

• Intimacy

• Trust

• Major life transitions or stressors

• Relevant family and individual history

• Previous experiences with counseling

• Your goals for therapy

The Gottman assessment is an in-depth process that helps me better understand your relationship and the dynamics between you.

When appropriate, I may also spend some time with each partner individually for additional assessment.

The purpose of the assessment is not to determine who is right or wrong. Instead, it allows me to understand the patterns within your relationship and identify areas where therapy may be most helpful.

The Active Therapy Phase

After the assessment, we move into the active therapy phase.

One of the frameworks I use is the Gottman Sound Relationship House, which provides a way of understanding the different components that contribute to a healthy relationship.

Together, we will explore areas such as friendship and connection, communication, conflict management, trust, commitment, and other aspects of your relationship.

Every couple is different. Some couples may primarily need help with communication and recurring conflict, while others may be working through emotional disconnection, trust issues, intimacy concerns, or a major life transition.

The goal is not to give every couple the exact same treatment plan. Your therapy will be tailored to your relationship and your specific needs.

Creating Your Therapy Goals

Once we have a better understanding of your relationship, we will work together to establish two or three primary therapy goals. These goals give our work direction and allow us to monitor your progress over time.

For example, couples may want to:

• Improve communication

• Break repetitive patterns of conflict

• Increase emotional intimacy and connection

• Rebuild trust

• Learn healthier ways to resolve disagreements

• Strengthen their friendship and relationship

• Navigate a major life transition together

• Develop healthier ways of responding to one another

• Your goals can also change as therapy progresses and your needs become clearer.

Practicing Skills Between Sessions

Couples therapy isn't only about what happens during the therapy session.

I often provide between-session exercises and homework so that you can practice the skills we discuss in therapy in your everyday life.

This is an important part of couples therapy because your relationship continues between sessions. The goal is to help you take what you learn in therapy and apply it to real conversations, disagreements, and moments of connection at home.

Learning new relationship skills takes practice, and you don't have to do everything perfectly.

How Many Couples Therapy Sessions Will We Need?

This is one of the most common questions couples ask, and there isn't one answer that applies to everyone. The length of couples therapy depends on your goals, the concerns bringing you to therapy, the patterns within your relationship, and how you respond to treatment.

For many couples, I recommend beginning with weekly sessions so there is enough consistency and momentum to make meaningful progress. I often recommend starting with approximately six weekly sessions and then reassessing how things are going.

Some couples continue with weekly therapy for longer, while others eventually transition to biweekly or monthly sessions once they have made progress and want additional support or relationship maintenance.

The goal is not to keep you in therapy indefinitely. The goal is to help you develop skills and make changes that you can continue using in your relationship.